Life...

Second Chances, by Wallerstein and Blakeslee

Ticknor & Fields, New York, 1989, 341 pages.

• The buzz: Well-written chronicle of parents and children in 52 families of divorce. The families were interviewed in depth ten (sometimes 11 or 12) years after the divorce. These same families had been interviewed at the time of the divorce (in 1971), 18 months, and five years afterward, often by the same interviewers. This process, the only one of its kind of which we are aware, has yielded a very deep ongoing understanding of the patterns of their lives.
• The authors: The primary author, Judith Wallerstein, authored the book that followed those families to the five year mark, "Surviving the Breakup." Since then, she has founded a center in Corte Madera, California for divorcing families, which had seen more than two thousand families by the time this book was published. Co-author Sandra Blakeslee, a freelance writer, gave the book an almost novelistic readability, interweaving long, compelling accounts of individual families with Dr. Wallerstein's assessments.
• Topics covered: - How the spouses fared emotionally and economically. - The children's relationship with the custodial spouse. - The children's relationship with the visiting spouse. - Issues that arise in the children's lives. - How the age of the children at the divorce predicts some of the kinds of issues that will arise. - Emotional impacts that can be expected for each family member. - Emotional tasks for each partner (such as, "mourn the marriage," "put aside the anger," and so on).
• Difficulty: Moderate.
• Sidenotes: This study has become famous and very influential in legislative and therapeutic circles.
• Key insight: The children of divorce are still deeply affected ten and even 15 years later. Many issues surface only in adolescence. And the children's emotional insecurity, fear, and mistrust of relationships make it difficult for them to commit to adult relationships themselves.
• Read if: You have children. A thoughtful, compassionate work.

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