Life...

The Strong and Silent Man And Social Woman

This is a case where the man appears almost stoic, and the woman is the sociable partner.

For example: Malcolm sees himself as a "strong and silent type." He has learned, for one reason or another, that men do not express their emotions.

But Malcolm may be trapped by his own self-image. Because Malcolm does not talk to Mildred about little things that bother him, the couple can not resolve them. Like a patch of skin scratched raw, these little things eventually become big things.

Little things that Mildred does annoy him: the way she drives, the way she twirls her hair, the way she shops. He is harboring angers, doubts, resentments, and disapproval that he does not express.

Mildred is very vocal and has no such hesitations. She lets Malcolm know that she thinks he drives too fast, works too hard, and doesn't do enough around the house. Actually, Mildred does not need for Malcolm to change. She only wants him to acknowledge the general rightness of her comments, to confirm for her that she is a sensible and worthwhile person.

But Malcolm, like most men, is action-oriented, not feelings-oriented, so he does not realize this.

Malcolm starts giving Mildred the cold shoulder. For Mildred's part, she knows Malcolm has gripes, but she can't figure out what they are. Malcolm gets angry that she isn't understanding him. And he gets angrier when she presses for an explanation of why he's angry.

In truth, he has an irrational inner voice telling him that men shouldn't talk about these issues. Malcolm rationalizes this to himself by telling himself that it would hurt Mildred to tell her his gripes. And Malcolm tells Mildred that she should just "know".

Malcolm and Mildred would be much better off if Malcolm would just get it off his chest (in a way that is not hurtful). Then Mildred can figure out what she needs to do. As it is, barriers between them are starting to go up, and things are starting to get unpleasant.

Email this page on to a friend.

Disclaimer: We are not giving legal advice. No warranties. We disclaim all legal liability. More...